Hope for Message Board R-Tards

Listen up, disheartened Spirit board nimrod. We know its been a long offseason. The hype has been heavy. The heat: unbearable.

You got egg on your face when you pulled a 180 on Hornsby, vocally defended him on the interwebs, then had to turn around and condemn him again when he got kicked off the team. It was tough, but you subsequently kept your mouth shut about Tig. Fool me once, right?

Then there was the anxiety of the car wreck. And even after that, if you've been paying attention, you've had to worry about the straight up outlandish behavior and wardrobe that xxxgr3g has put on display this summer.

Just got done tying my shoe. That's what's up.*

It all makes you long wistfully for a time not long ago, when Ole Miss had at least one mild mannered, gritty, gutty, deceptively fast player. A player with a certain quality that you couldn't quite put your finger on. There was just something about him that made him likable to you. One things for sure: It wasn't because he was white. You've got a black friend. C'mon.



At the very least, you had Bradley Sowell to look forward to this year. But Sowell could never truly be the Great Whi- uh, Gritty Hope for you, because he was highly touted from the beginning, and you don't really know much of his backstory.



But fear not, you subconciously racist dumdum. Rishaw Johnson did something to get himself demoted to second team, and his replacement was none other than this guy:

He's an underdog. He's unattractive. He's a a lighter shade of pale. What's more? Well, try to contain yourself while reading this:

"Coach Markuson calls me the American Dream. I was in JUCO, a totally different level from here, and I didn't know if I would ever get here," says Brandon.

"Now that I am here, I am going to live the dream and give them everything I have. It's a real strain on the body, but I'm hanging in there. I know a million other kids would like to be in my position, so I am not going to waste a snap.

"I grew up without a Dad and I am being molded into a man by Coach Markuson. I am very thankful for him. He does not baby me or anyone and I appreciate that. You want to give everything you have to someone like that. I will come back later in life and tell my kids that Coach Markuson was the person who made me into a man. I do not want to disappoint him or my teammates. I refuse to."

OK seriously you Spirit ritards, it's hard not to like this kid. So you've suckered me into rooting for this year's Great White Hope. He's scheduled to start against Memphis at RG, and may see time at Center if (God forbid) we have some OL injuries. Predictably, you payboard guys already have at least three threads devoted to this guy. Somewhere inside Mordor / the Ole Miss Media
Relations Department, some lackey is proposing the commercial release of Brandon Green's jersey. Trust us: the madness has only just begun surrounding this guy who, in reality, is the weak link on the weakest aspect of our team.

But for now, we're with you. We like Brandon Green too. Don't make us change our mind, kid.




*(//on a serious note, is it not a little curious that all our stars hang out together? are the role players not cool enough for you guys? D3xt3r? xxxgr3g?)

Of Broken French and Physical Intimidation: Baton Rouge, LA

As if this pic wasn't funny enough without the corndogs. Unnecessary Photoshop.

Listen gang I think a lot of the time, the bitterness that exists between SEC rivals is largely unwarranted and over the line. I mean, at the end of the day, people have to understand that the same walk-on alumni trashy elements that they decry in other schools' fanbases also represent a small portion of their own school's fans. All I'm trying to say is that while I'll still lightheartedly call MSU fans rednecks, I'm not naieve enough to believe that there isn't a large amount of Ole Miss fans who hang out in gas-station parking lots and have like camo seat covers in their trucks and a picture of Calvin urinating on some auto maker's logo on their windows. Clearly the youtube message board brand of low brow trash talk is largely unfounded when it makes these broad-ranging generalizations.

Which is why I'm not going to sit here and say all or even most LSU fans are trashy, militantly drunk people. It should go without saying that the majority of their fans are at the least decent, educated, generally nice human beings who just want to see their football team win. BUT as far as I can tell, a larger-than-par-for-the-SEC-course portion of Tiger fans consistently do their part to uphold this stereotype that they lack even a vague idea of what it means to be hospitable or have a degree of social tact. I don't even mind the whole burning a straw-Saban in effigy thing or mass texting /calling opposing players. I wouldn't want our school doing it but that's relatively harmless. [Rumor has it their gearing up to attack Jevan's cell phone. I don't much care considering how it worked out for them the past three times they've done it.]

Can you hear me now?

I'm talking about the really classless stuff. I mean if they're not spitting on people, or drunkenly cursing at small children or old women, then they're trying to tip over Tennessee's bus (or at least throwing bottles through the windows), or hospitalizing opposing fans, or just generally being assholes. Even an objective observer would have to admit that these horror stories come out of Baton Rouge WAY more frequently than they do from any other SEC town. Not that every other school's fans act like angels, but damn, how many piss bombs do you have to hurl at unsuspecting people before you get your point across? This stuff simply wouldn't fly elsewhere.

And why? Why do LSU fans feel the urge to do this crazy shit? Do they think that they are like proving their fanhood through these acts of rabid fanaticism? Is it some sort of "we love our team more than you love your team" just asshole-off -- like "let's see who can be the biggest ass to show them how much it all means to us" type of deal? I honestly don't get it. It's like it doesn't occur to them that they are playing right into this terrible stereotype of themselves. At least until these fine investigative (if not ditzy) journalists decided to go through the looking glass at the Alabama game.

Two young ladies with the LSU campus paper The Daily Reveille decided to bring a camera along as they hung out at various LSU tailgates before the big game with Alabama two weeks ago - only they wore Alabama gear while doing it. What ensued was a couple of hours in which they were cursed at and had things thrown at them. Remember, dear readers, these were what appeared to be 20-year old girls. In the afternoon - before the sun set and the crazies really came out.

Now the best part of that link is the posts that LSU fans make under the video clip. Things like "Well I hope you girls got the reaction you were looking for. Way to make the school look bad." With all due respect, anonymous message board posters, I believe it was the drunk Coonass who threw a whiskey bottle at a young woman who made your school look bad. Honestly, why is there not a degree of public scorn in any of those video clips? I can say without any doubt that if I were to hurl a bottle at a 20-year old girl in broad daylight in the middle of the Grove - no matter what color her sweatshirt was - somebody, anybody, would likely punch me in the face just on principle.

I guess what I'm saying is this: Be careful this weekend Rebs. Keep your head on a swivel. Not joking here. Don't go anywhere alone.

Ed: Turns out the Reveille girls could only air so much of the footage they got from the 'Bama game. For a more detailed, written account of their afternoon, visit the follow-up editorial they wrote. Also, what strikes me as a little off, as a daywalking journalist, is just how flippant these girls are about the whole situation. I mean, they got spat upon, had things thrown at them, were groped by men and called "cunts" by women, and they end their account of it all with a 'gosh-darn-it-that-was-kinda-not-so-good-behavior' quote like "Maybe we should tone it down just a little." I mean, if these girls were describing a genocide, would they summarize the story with "Maybe killing people isn't all it's made out to be! ;) KTHNXBAI!" ?